My First Blog Post

“I am not eccentric. It’s just that I am more alive than most people. I am an unpopular electric eel set in a pond of catfish. “

— Edith Sitwell

All throughout our lives, we are socialized and conditioned to follow a cookie cutter lifestyle, to be like everyone else, to be “normal”. But what exactly is “normal”? Normality is relative: it varies with the individual, culture, etc. So in this case, let’s say that the term “normal” is in reference to the mainstream western culture, the United States in particular.

The normal life plan we are conditioned to conform to is as follows: go through school K-12 and get good grades, go to college, get a good job, find “the one”, enter a long term monogamous relationship, get married, have children, retire at 65, rinse and repeat with the next generation. This is supposed to be the tried and true “safe” path, right?

What life doesn’t prepare us for, however, is if and when the normal life plan doesn’t serve us very well: in fact, it can even work against us to our disappointment and detriment. Everyone learns differently, so traditional classrooms do not work for everyone, and so those who cannot adapt to this system of education often fare poorly; many college students fail to land the job of their dreams and often end up in thousand of dollars in student loan debt that they can spend the rest of their lives trying to repay; infidelity is high, most relationships end, and at least 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, devastating lives and destroying families; and more and more folks do not make enough money at their jobs to comfortably retire at 65, some never manage to retire. With increasing and alarming regularity, the “American Dream” is becoming just that, a dream.

Through personal experience and the observing the experiences of others, I really began to question the validity of the classic lifestyle model, and wondered if there was a different, better way of living life. At least, a way that would work better for me. I began thinking this way in my early 20s, and it came to me very easily because by that time I was already used to being the outsider, the “other” when it came to the majority of social situations I was exposed to by that time. The way I saw it, I already didn’t belong anywhere, so what harm would it be to think outside of the box?

And so, I continued to embrace thinking differently and living life as I saw fit in order to optimize my limited time in this world. I eventually completely liberated myself from religion and identify as atheist, a non-believer. I lacked interest in most mainstream pastimes like watching sports or reality television and immersed myself in “nerdy” interests like video games and anime. I do not drink, smoke, or use recreational drugs: I would only occasionally sip some of the sweeter alcoholic drinks and never enough to get tipsy or drunk. I embraced a lifestyle of ethical non-monogamy: polyamory, swinging, and open relationships all were more appealing, realistic and attainable to me than the monogamous relationship model. I am proudly childfree: I lack interest in babies and children and therefore have no desire to have any of my own and no desire to interact with the children of others. I have profound levels of empathy to the point where it transcends species. That’s right, I can even put myself in the perspective of an insect, which is why I do not squish them on sight. Most recently, I am taking steps to work toward self employment out of the desire to be able to live and work on my own terms as well as earn enough to live comfortably and to experience the most out of life that I can.

Living this way came to me naturally, but at the same time wasn’t easy. While it was liberating and empowering, it was also quite lonely at times: I often felt as though I walking a dark, lonely path all on my own in a cold, uncaring world. It took me years to realize that was not necessarily the case. It took until I reached my thirties, but I eventually began to integrate myself into the kink and poly communities, and I felt like I found a world where I may actually be able to fit into. Being very introverted, I often found it difficult to connect with others, but in these two communities, I found that I wasn’t nearly as stricken with self-consciousness, awkwardness or anxiety as I was in most other social situations.

As time goes on, I will reveal more details of my life experiences, my life choices and my reasons behind making them. I just wanted to share with you today my decisions to go against the grain and to live life on my own terms and no one else’s. If you, the reader, have also managed to carve your own path through life and you have discovered happiness through doing so, pat yourself on the back. If you are still on the fence about living life a bit differently and I happen to have ignited a spark of inspiration within you, I encourage you to take the next step to becoming the new you. Thank you for reading.

Kind Regards,

~Koraxx