…also known as professional monkey-branching.

In generations past, when you worked for an employer, your possibilities for growth were nearly guaranteed: by working hard for years under a company, you would move up in the ranks through tenure while also earning not only enough to take care of yourself, but also a family if you so choose. The American dream was all but guaranteed for the average person.

But nowadays, the situation is quite different…

Unless you happen to work for one of the world’s top employers (i.e. Google, J&J), staying loyal to one employer no longer pays off nearly as much as it used to: your yearly salary raise is only a paltry 2-3 percent; you can lose out on promotions/bonuses to other employers who less experienced and less competent than you; and those of you who go above and beyond run a high risk of being exploited, abused, and sometimes even discarded if/when your employer decides to cut jobs to increase their profits and cut costs. Even worse, if you happen to get hurt on the job, an especially shitty employer will attempt to skimp on the worker’s comp that is owed to you.

I have observed these things happening to others, and I also know some of this through personal experience, and it sucks donkey balls.

Like Chef’s big chocolate salty balls, Donkey Style.

Knowing all of this, how can we get ahead?

If you’re familiar with my content, you already know that I am a huge advocate of starting your own business. I understand, however, that it may be something that’s easier said than done.

Therefore, if you truly want to earn as much as possible, as quickly as possible, I suggest that you practice professional hypergamy. And no, I am not proposing prostitution. Get your mind out of the gutter you dirty pervert…

No sucky-sucky fie darrah here…

How to be hypergamous in the professional sense:

Step 1. Work your job for anywhere from a minimum of six months to a maximum of 2-3 years, then start applying for other jobs similar to what you do. If you can break into a new job field, that’s fine too. Here is the key point: your next role salary should be a minimum of 20% higher than your current job salary, the higher the better. Rinse and repeat as many times as necessary to get to the pay rate you desire.

Step 2. In addition to taking Step 1, I would advise identifying the top companies in your industry. Examples include Google in the tech field, and Johnson & Johnson in the pharmaceutical industry. As you go from company to company, it would be a good idea to eventually aim to join one of those top companies. The experience and skills you gain from the other companies along the way will eventually make you a more attractive candidate for those top companies. Glassdoor is a good resource to utilize when researching an employer you want to work for.

Step 3. Keep in mind that unless you are attempting to climb the corporate ladder and stay in the rat race, your opportunities for financial and professional growth will likely be limited unless you happen to be in an especially high-paying field. In any case, if/when you get to where you want as far as pay, you can then make one of several choices: be content working where you are and do nothing more; continue your ascent as an employee ( repeat steps 1 and 2), or set aside some of your extra newfound loot to start a business of your own with the intention of moving away from your current job when your business really starts to take off.

Off into the sunset and beyond…

There may be some who may disagree with the methods I’ve outlined: they may find them flaky, disloyal, mercenary. Maybe that is true, but consider this: to most of these employers, you are just a number in a spreadsheet, a disposable commodity. Perhaps some of your co-workers may care about you to an extent, but as a whole, they only care about how you benefit them and nothing about you as a person. The moment you no longer benefit them, you’re out of there, and you’ll be replaced within a month. Do you really want to show loyalty to such an entity? To dedicate your life and energy to them? Think about it.

In the modern day, being hypergamous when it comes to jobs is the best way to move up and forward as an employee. If you happen to be one of those few who work at your dream job with high pay, great benefits, and lovely co-workers, this probably does not apply to you, and you can disregard this message. To all other employees, proletariats or whatever you call yourselves, I hope this is of value to you. I wish you the best in your journey.

Kind Regards,

~Koraxx

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